i fucked up. again.
more coke. same ol' story.
i lied. i hurt my wife. i ducked from family and bailed on work.
it's gonna get me. one time, a last time, there will be no turning back.
i'll be dead.
or worse, 'living' in hell. ...sometimes i feel like i'm already there.
i am not bouncing back very well. i am angry. head hurts. tired. no motivation.
don't care.
all the things that push you right back into the cycle.
my family deserves better.
me?
i'm a loser, baby - so why don't ya kill me?
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2 comments:
hey dugdeep ~^|^~
Now, now... 3 months is a nice slice of dry pie, congrats!
I just plugged into your blog tonight and may I say, Thank You, Sir! In less than 2 weeks, on October 21, 2007 it'll be ONE YEAR clean. And by that I mean no drinkin', no smokin'(anything) and no blow.
Your portrayal of "The Ivory Devil" is wonderfully written. Believe me when I tell you that lately I've been entertaining the idea of a white pepper binge myself to celebrate the ONE YEAR goal, of all things. If that ain't that stinkin' thinkin' sho'nuff! By accidentally stumbling onto your postings, you've snapped me outta my trance dance and woke me up from my sleep walking right into that bottomless mineshaft again. I owe you, man.
Amazing what that little ball of snow can do!
I was searching the internet, as I have been doing for weeks now to help assist with my current situation. I don't know you, I don't know what you're going through, but I can surely sympathize with you, and your family. I know this, because I am living the life you're wrecking. Sorry to be blunt, but that's who I am. My boyfriend of 2 years has been using coke/crack for over a year and a half now. He has finally reached the point of no return. He was arrested on September 20, 2007. Just a few days before your last post. He went on a binge, ran out of money, and robbed a convenient store to supply more cash for his high. As a result, we lost our home, our lives, and more importantly him. I cannot beg you to stop, but I am sincerely letting you know that it has to stop somewhere. DO NOT allow it to take it to this extent, or even worse, getting that high that removes you from their lives forever. My heart is with your family. I truly feel the pain on their side. I hope you find the help you need.
Thank you for listening,
Mariah
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